Failure vs Success

As motivators and de-motivators the fears of failure and success are in many ways at opposite ends of the spectrum and yet they lead to the same end. I wonder if writing about the two I will come to some understanding of which it is that delays me and from there find ways out.
I have always been concerned that people see me in s certain way and I am starting to think that this kind of concern has prevented me from taking a big risk in case I made a big mistake and was seen to be not as much as I thought I was. And yet in not trying I find myself as I said before just barely surviving on the edge. So what is really the worst that could happen if I really did make all the phone calls and no one needed my work? Would I be any worse off than now, when I do have a couple of places that use me all the time? Not really, the only thing I would know for sure is that I was marketing to the wrong people or in the wrong way. There are so many manuals and written documents of so many types that are created in virtually every business every day it is not possible that I have kept going on the very small group of clients who use technical writers or who would like to use technical writers. In fact I would be inclined to guess that the demand for us far outstrips the supply. It is a new field in many ways and not a lot of people like to do it. In fact the first graduates in the field are only now getting out of University.
What about the other end of the coin? What do I stand to lose if I actually make it financially. I don't think I would become an instant asshole, admittedly a possibility in the past but I think I have grown. That means I don't have to worry about my integrity. I should not lose any of my friends as they will like me broke or well off. Basically the only thins I lose is the ability to bitch about not getting anywhere in my life. That doesn't seem to be a lot to give up to earn a decent living and have clothes that aren't sort of falling off.
Interestingly enough the mere act of sending off those emails was empowering and getting an immediate response is certainly good reinforcement. Whether that turns into a contract I don't know yet but while I am waiting to find out I should be able to locate a couple of other people to talk to. My goal for the beginning of February is to sign up 5 new companies for some service or other - that may require up to 250 calls. By spring I want to be able to afford to go to Cliff's wedding without worrying financially, join a golf club for around $1300.00 and set up advertising at the tees of at least three decent clubs.
I know that some people think it is a bad idea to plan that far ahead but I am actually a believer in a few things. For example, if you envision things they can happen - aim for the stars you may catch the moon, aim at the moon you may only catch a streetlight. If you write down your goals it is easier to achieve them - writing makes things more concrete in your mind by adding a physical aspect to a wish. And, the completion backwards principle works - figure out where you want to be and then figure out the steps required between here and there.
The interesting thing is that the new year is often a good time to catch people who need to get things done before tax time and before they have to set up the next year's budget. Since sending things out to anyone over the Christmas holiday is a waste of time - most unsolicited stuff from this time should rightfully end up in the trash - I will instead put together some databases. The one I have already for IT companies is pretty good but there is a lot of orignal equipment manufacturing going on in this city and I should be able to find a database of those guys. It will be interesting to see how many of them already have a web presence since creating one may be an additional service I can hit them with once my foot is in the door. Fortunately those things don't really take any of my time and I should even be able to farm out the writing and just oversee it in the way of editing - we shall see.
Off searching for a database.

Fear as a Motivator

Over time I believe I have managed to be pushed into a few different things that I may not have tried merely because I was afraid not to. Nowhere is that more true than in my martial arts training. That I definitely joined out of fear of personal injury, however, that is not really the fear I want to deal with tonight. Instead I am more thinking of the fear I have always had of success or failure that I alluded to in my last missive. I am still not usre which one it is that holds me back but I also realize that it really doesn't matter as long as the result is the same. That being the case this blog becomes even more important since my fear of not completing what I have written in here is actually greater than whatever is holding me back.
I was thinking today about a couple of friends of mine from my past, three of them in fact, all writers, all who have been making a rediculous living from it for many years and all of whom started doing that with a hell of a lot less experience than I currently have. That forces me to ask myself what am I doing really with my time. Whenever I actually go out looking for work there is more than enough around and yet I am always on the edge of starvation with no money and nothing to show for my years of doing the same thing, and doing it fairly well I might add.
At any rate the only way I have ever been able to deal with the things that I fear is to face them head on or at the very least ignore them and keep doing what I need to do anyway in spite of my fear, and that is where I find myself today.
I tried a different approach in marketing that I had read about and actually got a response from one of the three people I sent it to. The others either have not opened their email or have deleted it as junk mail, a risk you take with email. I am however, pleased with the experiment and as well as following up with this one lead I will be sending more of these out, I may even make some changes to the brochure before it goes to print.
Between you me and the virtual world I think I may even try out a roller coaster this year, again it is a time of facing my fears and conquering them. If I am going to be successful and be able to do some of the things I have promised myself I would do this sort ofthing has to start and I am the only one who can do it.
I was just asked to do some more writing at my part-time day job and that should bode well for an increase in what they are paying me, freeeing me up to do the things necessary to promote my writing company.
Trying to add the meditation part into all of this is hard but I think it becomes a necessary evil as I am somehow going to have to find the energy to do all the necessary leg work. As my friend from the coast said however, I could give this a solid try for six months - I have never really done that for any of the many careers I have had. The difference is that I have been doing this stuff for 12 years and I may as well get paid for it. There are so many spin-offs I should be able to stay busy for a long time.

As Time Goes By

It is true that when you have put a goal in front of yourself it is often hard to keep. This week however, I did manage to do what I set out to do. Not only did I manage to get my website set up with google and using includes and all that stuff, I was also able to add some text and make it look a little better. Even more important, however, is that I actually put together the list of companies that I had been getting around to and the I went further and actually called some of the companies listed. I know now that instead of getting myself to phone at least 10 numbers I need to make sure I 'speak' to at least 10 people and I should probably start looking at talking to 20 people every time I sit down to make phone calls. That way I can at least get a good real view of how many people do want to hire me. I did get one good response and sent her some samples of my work, we'll see where that takes me since she actually sounded like she was looking for a writer but didn't want to get hassled. I don't think I need her so much as the idea of breaking the ice is even more important.
I sold life insurance many years ago and they used to say that if you spoke ot 10 people you should get 3 appointments and from there make 1 sale. I am not at all sure the numbers work the same way for writers but I do believe it is time I took the experience and training I gained in those years selling furniture, life insurance, clothing and cars and put it to use in an area that I am more comfortable selling.
Eventually, I expect to get to the point where I am getting some referrals from my clients and then I won't have to do as much cold calling. Ah the joys of having your own business. In truth if I don't try this I will never know if I could have gotten it to work. Yes, I sold life insurance but I didn't actually make those 10 phone calls, I hated selling cars, furniture was hell, clothing wasn't so bad but it didn't pay any real money so that was a bit of a waste of time.
This time has to be different, no longer can I wait to see if things break my way or if someone will come along and drag me along like a tail on their comet. Instead I am going to have to do what I have always encouraged my friends to do, follow through on what I said I would do and give it a real chance at success.
It is not as if I have any real choice if I think about it logically. I can't wait to find a job, especially since I have not really worked for anyone for some time. Also I don't want to be stuck working for anyone else, by working for myself I can build a company that I cna get a fair amount of money for when I am all done, so it is sort of in a way of making a pension plan for myself. I can't expect my school to pay for my retirement and I sure as hell plan on retiring.
This city has so much manufacturing and even more software than I had imagined so it is time to take it to the next level. Interesting that I was able to puch myself through University and through almost 20 years of martial arts and still I have trouble pushing myself to succeed. Makes me wonder if we are talking about a fear of failure or a fear of success, both can be debilitating but if you identify which your problem is you should be able to fix it. That is really why I have taken up meditating, I need to get inside my own head. Except for this journal I don't really talk to anyone about what I am really doing so meditation seems like the perfect medium, oh yeah just like talking to yourself in a blog I guess.
Not meditating as much as I should so I am off to do that now.

This is Hard

So the hardest part of keeping a blog is actually doing the blogging. In the last couple of days I have actually managed to be very productive, not only have I managed to meditate I also got a database built so I can start sening information out to companies. I believe I will do a two pronged approach where I send some emails, have to watch for getting mistaken for spam, and others I call directly. At this point even one new contract would make the difference in what is going on in my life.

I think I am starting to figure out what keeps me from getting ahead and I may begin to put those ideas down on here for all to see, unless of course I decide that that would be indulgent and needlessly self-flagellating. Instead I believe I may stick to my goals and the things that I actually get done, not accomplishments so much as milestones that I am trying to reach. One of my first goals is to manage to make at least 10 calls every morning that I do not go in to the government office. This will be the real application of what I learned in selling Life Insurance that the bottom line is numbers, the more people you contact the more likely you are to make a sale and that's all this is really.

So the database that I put together is a collection of over 700 companies and while I am on the list myself I believe I should be able to pull enough people out who can use my services that I should be able to make a decent living. Not really sure if I want to keep working for the government even on a part-time basis, the fact is that I do not like the hurry up and wait or the sitting around while people have their heads in the wrong place.

You know, the reality is that I have never really given myself the real opportunity for success in an area like this and unfortunately if I don't do this I am going to find myself either working full-time for the gov or going on welfare and neither of those really appeals to me. All the parts are in place, time to get after it.

Push On

So the whole idea of having a blog is having a positive effect on me. Already I have started to ensure that I am following through on the things I say I am going to do. And that is before I have even placed them on here. I think it may be a function of having this thing to look back at in a few months or years and actually face whether I have actually accomplished anything new. I am actually presenting my brochures to someone who can help me find new work tonight. Now it is still a matter of having them properly printed but that is a money matter and I can probably get it done within the next week. After that the cards. I have also applied to get Google ads and search on my site, even if it only brings in one client it will be worth it, hell its free. If I make that my normal search page, regardless of where I am it will enable me to make a couple of extra dollars anyway as I sit and do nothing. Adding the ads may also enable me to find others who need my services, which doesn't hurt either. In the end it is the follow through that will make the final difference.
I am also taking a look at doing something about my school since I realize that my back will not be great forever and at some time it is a matter of someone else taking over permanently. My original goal was never to start and run a school but having done so I don't really want it to stop just because I am gone, that makes it a school of personality rather than a school of skill and technique.

Keep Going

So the whole idea of having a blog is having a positive effect on me. Already I have started to ensure that I am following through on the things I say I am going to do. And that is before I have even placed them on here. I think it may be a function of having this thing to look back at in a few months or years and actually face whether I have actually accomplished anything new. I am actually presenting my brochures to someone who can help me find new work tonight. Now it is still a matter of having them properly printed but that is a money matter and I can probably get it done within the next week. After that the cards. I have also applied to get Google ads and search on my site, even if it only brings in one client it will be worth it, hell its free. If I make that my normal search page, regardless of where I am it will enable me to make a couple of extra dollars anyway as I sit and do nothing. Adding the ads may also enable me to find others who need my services, which doesn't hurt either. In the end it is the follow through that will make the final difference.
I am also taking a look at doing something about my school since I realize that my back will not be great forever and at some time it is a matter of someone else taking over permanently. My original goal was never to start and run a school but having done so I don't really want it to stop just because I am gone, that makes it a school of personality rather than a school of skill and technique.